well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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