u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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