yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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