i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Sober January is a disaster.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
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