This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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