a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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