So drunk its hurt
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
