the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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