You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
