I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
