And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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