remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
