i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
