you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
