I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
