i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
