My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
