my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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