thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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