Don't make out with my wife yet
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize