I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
