the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
