Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
