It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize