I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize