And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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