Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
