It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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