My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
