you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
