I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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