god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
