didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
