Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(305): View more from Florida

Goddamnit I hate your level headedness

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(513): View more from Ohio

I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.

(419): View more from Ohio

I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.

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(774): View more from Massachusetts

What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling

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(615): View more from Tennessee

i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.

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(516): View more from New York

There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face

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(506): View more from New Brunswick

He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.

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(602): View more from Arizona

Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??

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