'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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