Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I need to calm my uterus...
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