thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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