The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
