Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
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