Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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