you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
