Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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