yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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