just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
