Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
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