my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
