My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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