So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
