she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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