I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
