babies were throwing up all over the place
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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