hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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