Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
