still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
My legs feel like baby dolphins
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