Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize