Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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