The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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