it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Please, let me fuck your mom
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
