Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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