well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize