Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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