WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Randomize
