She announced her abortion via fbk
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
