The maid of honor just puked.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
